This blog post is going to be a monthly thing, where I sum up what’s happened in the month, and how I felt in the month in terms of my mental health. I will also include a song that sums up my month, as you can probably see on my twitter, I love music.
The song that sums up my month of January is The xx: Intro
So January. Where do I start? January was one of the biggest months of my life. It was a busy, sad month overall, with a lot of ups and downs in-between that, including having my first ever operation in hospital. I started CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and I also started blogging and joined this wonderful mental health community on twitter. It has honestly changed me.
Starting a blog made me feel so good, I think it’s one of my best decisions in years. I was opening up so much like I never had opened up so much in my life, and it felt brilliant to do so. If I remember, I wrote and posted my first blog, which you can find here, on the weekend after my introduction session. I felt great, I was getting help, and I was opening up, what honestly could make my mood go immediately crap the next week? Depression, that’s what.
Yeah, after I had such a good start to my month, depression caused it to absolutely go basically, tits up. I don’t know how it started, but I had bad thoughts, and I couldn’t shake them. My PHQ-9 score on the assessments was at 17. I had no idea why, or what triggered my depression, I spent hours on end, for a few days just trying to figure out, why it just went crazy high? As you probably can tell, my mood was horrible.
The next CBT session, it went back down to 7, still not the best but it’s a lot better than 17. I was happy, really happy it went back down. I don’t know how it went down, but I think it went down due to me just being open and talking about it to close friends on twitter in the MH community. It helped a lot. I also did a lot of mindfulness that week, so that probably lowered it too.
Then there was the most anxious, stressful time of the month, the 23rd. The day I had my eye surgery. I was honestly, the worst I have ever been in a long time with my mental health, I couldn’t even have 10 minutes without not being scared or panicky, luckily the nurses on the ward understood, and calmed me down. To be fair, it probably is the best place to have a panic attack, they do suck, but you’re in good hands if you have one in a hospital. After the surgery, all I really did was watch 24 hours in A&E for two weeks. Literally. Couldn’t go on my laptop, and had to use my tablet on the lowest brightness, I was annoyed, it was so boring just watching TV all day.
Overall, this month has been a pretty up and down month, but more positives than negatives, hopefully, February will be all positive!
As always, thanks for reading!