// TRIGGER WARNING: SH //
What a rollercoaster of a month! It involved meeting a new therapist in a new clinic, starting medication and much more!
The song that sums up my month is: The 1975 – lostmyhead
Where do I even start with this month? It was an action packed month! At the start of the month, my MH was alright, not the best but not half as bad as it was in the month, I had therapy, was enjoying it, I went to a get together with most of my high school year to say goodbye to a friend, also have been actively doing exposure tasks to try and beat social anxiety, until I had a week without CBT. That was when my MH declined so much, and I had a relapse of SH, which I was honest and told my therapist about, who got me a GP appointment. That week was the worst week of my life in terms of my mental health, absolutely awful it was! I didn’t do anything but stay at home and stay in my room for 90% of the day. The only time I really went out of my room was for a drink/food or the toilet.
That week itself was eventful, I relapsed but my parents also found out about my SH. That was awful, I couldn’t stop crying. They were not understanding at all at first, but did understand a bit, and was happy that I was getting help. The next week was much better, had a GP appointment, and if you follow me on twitter, you would have seen how much I was dreading it! Anyway, the GP totally understood me, and I had good luck as I got the GP with the most training in MH, which was lucky as you get a random GP if you need an appointment as soon as possible! She prescribed me Fluoxetine, 20mg a day and told me to come back in two weeks.
Then I had therapy on that day, it wasn’t really therapy, though. We spoke about my opinion on being prescribed medication, and how my week went, and then my therapist went on and said that I am getting stepped up in the system because I’m too “severe” for low-intensity CBT, and will really benefit from high-intensity CBT, but she was unable to give me it, and I would have to change therapist and clinics too. I was petrified, but my therapist worked wonders once again to get me an appointment the next week!
That week came extremely fast. I was terrified, panicking about it every single day, couldn’t stop crying about the fact I had to go into a hospital just for CBT. It was a scary place for me, the recovery area was right across from inpatient, and that petrified me. The therapist was lovely and understood how it was making me feel so scared. I was worrying for nothing, the session went perfectly, it was just another assessment/intro session really, just for my therapist to know what I was feeling and such, I opened up more than I ever have, my therapist also mentioned that she is pretty certain I have BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) simply down to what I was saying how I feel about the way I look and such, which was overwhelming but just another thing to get me motivated to beat!
As always, thanks for reading!