Struggling.

I’m struggling right now, and I thought it’d be helpful for me to try and explain it in words, and write a post about it, basically to vent!

The last few days have been bad. I got my fluoxetine upped to 40mg a day on Monday, and ever since I’ve just felt really bad. Horrible thoughts are stronger than ever, urges are really really strong. I don’t know if the higher dosage is making me feel this way or it’s just a bad week and coincidentally happening after a med increase.

I feel like I don’t deserve all the support I get, I feel like I’m worthless, pathetic, idiotic and downright stupid for feeling this way every single day. I feel like everyone hates me and finds me annoying. I haven’t had therapy for two weeks. I think I could have really done with it this week. I hate how much I rely on therapy, I know I shouldn’t rely on it but I can’t help but do so.

I don’t know if I’ll truly ever feel better. I hope so but it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen anytime soon. I have a good day or so, however it just goes back to normal, crappy days and it pisses me off so much. It’s my birthday next Friday, and I don’t want to do anything for it. I just want to sit in bed. I hate everything at the moment.

I am fighting so hard, every single day and I don’t think I can take it much longer. It is incredibly hard to even get out of bed most days.

 

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